Unforgettable
Wow, its been a while since i've written on this thing. But once again, i lean on my blog to express my deepest inner thoughts... Lately i have been thinking a lot about love. WHAT IS IT? I dont understand how people define it. I do understand that it is a personal definition, but at the same time, how do people come to terms with their own personal definitions? What is too fast? What is too slow?
This summer has taught me a huge lesson on love. Be on the same page. Be clear that you are on the same page with your partner. This is a lesson that became very valuable to me this summer. It's also a lesson i think i pushed to hard, which lead to my heart break. I was SO focused on making sure that i do right, and making sure that we are cool with each other that i feel like i lead him to be curious about other girls. I was really into being serious, forgetting all of the circumstances and conditions and forgetting to have fun! I dont think that it's my fault at all. But at the same time, when your man gives you an excuse like "well my friends peer pressured me into it" then something should ring a bell in your head saying HELLOOOO THATS THE LAMEST EXCUSE ON EARTH! and thats when i went all girl power on him and dumped him. THEN when i realized and felt like i was making a mistake, i couldnt go back. In a way i am regretful, but in another instance i am very thankful. I am having so much trouble letting go, i mean its almost as if i wasnt done yet, i def. feel like there was so much more to be involved in together, and now its over. At the same time, I am so glad that i nipped it sooner rather than later, especially if i am hurting like i am now. But at the same time, i didnt make a mistake, i had enough respect for myself to make sure that i'm not letting this person walk all over me. I am very proud of me for that.
Getting over him is killing me though. Like a good friend said, he took a piece of my heart, and now its up to me to regain it. I've been trying to date around, but nothing seems to suffice. We had a connection. It was the first connection i had in such a long time. And now as i continue to date, i cant seem to find a connection like that one. That WAS the connection I was looking for, and now i have to go all the way back to the beginning and wait another 3 years before i find one like that, and i dont know if i can. especially since im about to start my life, and move forward, i dont want to be one of those women who just get all bottled up in their career, and forget about living life. At the same time, just when i think that i'm ready for a relationship, i get screwed because of my life, and career path, etc. It's not like im gonna find someone to date in idaho, and its not like im gonna find someone real to date in idaho. Being in DC has def changed my perception on what i want in a man. And all i have to say is, THESE MEN ARE GONNA HAVE TO STEP IT UP. I have had my heart broken far too many times to be fucking around with some person that conforms to peer pressure. I need someone who is going to want to devote to me, and explore with me, and respect me and my religious views. I really want a MAN. I want someone who can own up to their faults, someone who can take care of their own responsibilities, and offer advice, someone intelligent, caring, funny, and loving. Someone who thinks with their heart, and not their dick. Someone who thinks with God in their heart, and cares about how much God I have in my own heart, and is willing to grow with me in my on going faith. 1+1=1 thats all i want. thats all i want someone else to want. Meaning, substance, and stability. For now, i guess that person can only exist in my prayers. And i think right now, im just gonna pray for making sure that my heart stays loving and caring and substantial for someone else...
This summer has taught me a huge lesson on love. Be on the same page. Be clear that you are on the same page with your partner. This is a lesson that became very valuable to me this summer. It's also a lesson i think i pushed to hard, which lead to my heart break. I was SO focused on making sure that i do right, and making sure that we are cool with each other that i feel like i lead him to be curious about other girls. I was really into being serious, forgetting all of the circumstances and conditions and forgetting to have fun! I dont think that it's my fault at all. But at the same time, when your man gives you an excuse like "well my friends peer pressured me into it" then something should ring a bell in your head saying HELLOOOO THATS THE LAMEST EXCUSE ON EARTH! and thats when i went all girl power on him and dumped him. THEN when i realized and felt like i was making a mistake, i couldnt go back. In a way i am regretful, but in another instance i am very thankful. I am having so much trouble letting go, i mean its almost as if i wasnt done yet, i def. feel like there was so much more to be involved in together, and now its over. At the same time, I am so glad that i nipped it sooner rather than later, especially if i am hurting like i am now. But at the same time, i didnt make a mistake, i had enough respect for myself to make sure that i'm not letting this person walk all over me. I am very proud of me for that.
Getting over him is killing me though. Like a good friend said, he took a piece of my heart, and now its up to me to regain it. I've been trying to date around, but nothing seems to suffice. We had a connection. It was the first connection i had in such a long time. And now as i continue to date, i cant seem to find a connection like that one. That WAS the connection I was looking for, and now i have to go all the way back to the beginning and wait another 3 years before i find one like that, and i dont know if i can. especially since im about to start my life, and move forward, i dont want to be one of those women who just get all bottled up in their career, and forget about living life. At the same time, just when i think that i'm ready for a relationship, i get screwed because of my life, and career path, etc. It's not like im gonna find someone to date in idaho, and its not like im gonna find someone real to date in idaho. Being in DC has def changed my perception on what i want in a man. And all i have to say is, THESE MEN ARE GONNA HAVE TO STEP IT UP. I have had my heart broken far too many times to be fucking around with some person that conforms to peer pressure. I need someone who is going to want to devote to me, and explore with me, and respect me and my religious views. I really want a MAN. I want someone who can own up to their faults, someone who can take care of their own responsibilities, and offer advice, someone intelligent, caring, funny, and loving. Someone who thinks with their heart, and not their dick. Someone who thinks with God in their heart, and cares about how much God I have in my own heart, and is willing to grow with me in my on going faith. 1+1=1 thats all i want. thats all i want someone else to want. Meaning, substance, and stability. For now, i guess that person can only exist in my prayers. And i think right now, im just gonna pray for making sure that my heart stays loving and caring and substantial for someone else...
Comments